Knowing how to say no or, what is the same, being assertive, makes us defend our rights and opinions while respecting others. But on many occasions, due to multiple fears, it is difficult for us to say no or to set limits to people or situations , even affecting ourselves. What to do to leave that irrational fear behind?
Guidelines for knowing how to say “no”
There are times when our interests are at stake in relation to another; family or work situations in which it is sometimes difficult for us to say no. Your boss asks you for a last-minute favor and that you stay longer, your mother wants to be with you excessively, your sister constantly asks you to take her somewhere, your friend decides where you go on vacation. there are many situations Before which we do not express our opinion as we would like or we do not set the necessary limits.
It is these situations in which personalities with a passive style sometimes feel used, ignored and overwhelmed by putting others before oneself. In the history of our relationships we create behavioral roles, which makes the other person expect us to behave as we have been doing. That is, your boss expects you to stay, your sister that you accompany her as always and your friend that you agree with everything she proposes. Learning to say no in all these situations is a right and an exercise of self-respect and self-care , and it is important to start putting it into practice if you feel that you do not usually do it.
Your boss, your mother, your friend and your sister will understand that you cannot or do not want to do something they propose to you. Take care of communication and your fears. People who find it difficult to say “no” are very afraid of being thought badly of them or of conflict . Review what you fear and manage your thoughts.
2. Give yourself some time to think
When they propose something to you, don’t say “yes” right away. Give yourself some time to think if you really want to or can do it . At one point say that you need some time to think about it. You may interested in: Management of Emotions Management of Emotions
3. Try to be brief, friendly and clear
This is key. In a firm and simple tone, with short sentences, tell him that you can’t do it. It is important not to over-explain because this can convey insecurity . If you want to be especially kind, you can show more empathy with phrases like this: “I understand that it would be good for you to come closer but I can’t at that time.”
Know how to say no
4. Sandwich technique
It consists of saying something positive before and after rejecting the request .
5. The broken record
This is used when the person insists. It consists of repeating the same thing all the time, without wavering or going in to give more explanations, and very calmly. We must be cautious with this technique because we can show disinterest. It is important to combine it with empathy.
6. Train from imagination
Make a list of the situations in which you would like to say “no.” Choose one of those situations and write in all the details how it usually is, what you usually say and how you usually react.
Prepare and choose a short, friendly and simple answer to put into practice the next time it happens. Imagine the situation by closing your eyes; Imagine and visualize yourself saying no and saying that phrase you have chosen .
Remember, saying “no” is a right.