Last Updated on April 17, 2023 by Mike Robinson
As a mental health enthusiast, I have seen the devastating effects of trauma bonding on individuals. Trauma bonding is a complex and intense emotional connection that develops between two people, often in response to a traumatic or abusive situation. It occurs when a person feels a strong connection to their abuser or someone who is harmful to them.
In this article, we will explore what trauma bonding is and its effects on platonic relationships. We will also look at the signs of trauma bonding, the psychology behind it, and how to break free from a trauma bond friendship.
What is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding is a psychological response to trauma or abuse, where victims form a strong emotional attachment to their abusers. This bond is created through a cycle of positive and negative reinforcement.
The abuser creates intense emotional experiences that the victim craves, such as love, affection, and validation. However, these experiences are often followed by abuse and mistreatment, creating a cycle of hope and disappointment.
In platonic relationships, trauma bonding can occur between friends, coworkers, or even family members. It often develops in situations where one person is in a position of power or authority, such as a boss or mentor. Trauma bonding can also occur between peers where one person is emotionally manipulative or abusive towards another.
Understanding the Effects of Trauma Bonding in Platonic Relationships
Trauma bonding can have a devastating effect on platonic relationships. It can lead to a loss of self-esteem, a distorted sense of reality, and emotional dependence on the abuser. In some cases, trauma bonding can even lead to physical harm, as victims may be reluctant to leave or speak out against their abusers.
One of the effects of trauma bonding is that the victim may become isolated from their support network. This isolation can occur because the victim may feel ashamed or embarrassed to speak out about their situation. They may also fear retaliation from their abuser if they seek help.
As a result, the victim may become emotionally dependent on the abuser, relying on them for validation and support.
Trauma bonding can also lead to a distorted sense of reality. Victims may begin to question their own perceptions of reality as their abuser may gaslight or manipulate them. This can cause the victim to doubt their own judgment and feelings, leading to a loss of self-esteem and confidence.
What Does a Trauma Bond Friendship Look Like?
A trauma bond friendship may appear close and supportive on the surface, but it is often based on an unhealthy dynamic. The friendship may be characterized by a cycle of intense emotional experiences, followed by abuse or mistreatment. The abuser may use tactics such as gaslighting, manipulation, or emotional blackmail to maintain control over their victim.
In some cases, the friendship may appear to be one-sided, with the victim doing all the giving and the abuser doing all the taking. The victim may feel that they are not being treated fairly, but they may also feel a sense of obligation or loyalty to the abuser.
Common Signs of Trauma Bonding
There are several common signs of trauma bonding in platonic relationships. These include:
1. Intense emotional experiences
Victims of trauma bonding often report experiencing intense emotional highs and lows in their relationships. They may feel an intense connection to their abuser, followed by feelings of disappointment or betrayal.
2. Dependence on the abuser
Victims of trauma bonding may become emotionally dependent on their abuser. They may rely on them for validation, support, and a sense of self-worth.
3. Isolation from support network
Victims of trauma bonding may become isolated from their support network, as they may feel ashamed or embarrassed to speak out about their situation.
4. Distorted sense of reality
Victims of trauma bonding may begin to question their own perceptions of reality, as their abuser may gaslight or manipulate them.
Other signs of trauma bonding
- an imbalance of power, with one person having control over the other
- feelings of guilt or obligation to stay in the relationship
- going through a cycle of intense emotional experiences, followed by mistreatment or abuse
- feeling a sense of confusion or doubt about one’s own perceptions and feelings
- fear of retaliation if one tries to leave the relationship
The Psychology Behind Trauma Bonding in Friendships
Trauma bonding occurs because of the powerful emotional experiences that occur in abusive relationships. Victims may experience intense feelings of love, affection, and validation from their abuser, which creates a bond. However, this bond is often based on a cycle of positive and negative reinforcement.
The abuser may create intense emotional experiences that the victim craves, such as love, affection, and validation. However, these experiences are often followed by abuse and mistreatment. This creates a cycle of hope and disappointment, which reinforces the bond between the victim and the abuser.
How to Break Free from a Trauma Bond Friendship
Breaking free from a trauma bond friendship can be a difficult and painful process. However, it is essential for the victim’s physical and emotional well-being. The following steps can help break free from a trauma bond friendship:
1. Recognize the signs
The first step in breaking free from a trauma bond friendship is to recognize the signs. Victims need to understand that what they are experiencing is not healthy or normal. There are various ways to accomplish this.
It may help to recall other healthy relationships you had in the past and the type of emotions they provided compared to the emotions you feel from this particular relationship.
2. Seek support
Those in a trauma bond relationship need to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a mental health professional. It is essential to have a strong support network to help them through the process of breaking free.
3. Set boundaries
Setting boundaries with their abuser is important for those in a trauma bond relationship. This may mean cutting off contact, setting limits on communication, or ending the friendship altogether.
4. Practice self-care
Breaking free from a trauma bond friendship can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Victims need to practice self-care, such as getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring them joy.
It is important to get back to enjoying things by yourself. By thinking back to what you enjoyed doing before you were in this relationship, you will remember that you were able to be happy without the help of anyone else.
Seeking Professional Help for Trauma Bonding
If you are struggling with trauma bonding, it is essential to seek professional help. A mental health professional can help you understand the dynamics of trauma bonding and develop strategies to break free from the cycle. They can also provide support and guidance as you navigate the healing process.
Talking about your issue with a professional who is impartial can make a huge difference. They can often explain to you that you may have false and distorted views, explain why this is so, and give you methods to eliminate these distorted perceptions.
Healing from Trauma Bonding – Self-Care Practices
Healing from trauma bonding takes time and effort. Victims need to prioritize their physical and emotional well-being during the healing process. The following self-care practices can help facilitate healing:
1. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness can help victims of trauma bonding stay present and focused on the moment. It can also help reduce stress and anxiety.
Once you learn how to control your thoughts, you will be able to sense when your thoughts are causing unwanted emotions and redirect them to agreeable thoughts.
2. Engage in physical activity
Physical activity can help reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, and promote overall physical health.
Physical activity can be as strenuous as jogging in the morning, or as simple as taking a walk in your neighborhood. Exercise boosts mental health by lowering anxiety, depression, and depressive symptoms, as well as by raising self-esteem and increasing cognitive abilities.
Additionally, it has been discovered that exercise helps with symptoms including social disengagement and low self-esteem.
3. Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion involves being kind and supportive towards oneself. Victims of trauma bonding need to practice self-compassion to promote healing and self-growth.
Research shows that self-compassion is highly linked to psychological well-being. Higher amounts of self-compassion are linked to feeling more happy, optimistic, curious, and connected, and less anxious, depressed, worried, and afraid of failing. [Neff, 2009]
Trauma Bonding vs. Healthy Relationships – What is the Difference?
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and support. They are characterized by open communication, shared decision-making, and a sense of equality.
In contrast, trauma bonding is based on an unhealthy dynamic of power and control. It is characterized by a cycle of positive and negative reinforcement, emotional manipulation, and a distorted sense of reality.
Conclusion
Trauma bonding can have a significant impact on platonic relationships. It is essential to recognize the signs discussed in this article and seek professional help if necessary. Breaking free from a trauma bond friendship takes time and effort, but it is essential for the victim’s physical and emotional well-being.
By prioritizing self-care and seeking support, victims of trauma bonding can heal and move forward towards healthy relationships.
Related article: Interpersonal Attraction
