Last Updated on February 5, 2023 by Mike Robinson

Passive Communication

People who use passive communication are often afraid to say what they think or feel for fear of someone not agreeing with them. Most of the time, others consider their decisions and opinions unqualified. 

 A passive-aggressive style of communication sometimes consists of aggressive and passive behavior.

Examples of Passive Communication

1. Soft communication

Individuals who have a passive form of communication tend to speak in a soft tone as if they are apologizing. Sometimes, the few times they express their opinion, ask for forgiveness beforehand, or say things like, “This is surely silly, but …”

2. They cannot stand firm in their opinions.

Passive individuals don’t stand up for what they believe or think about someone else. They also let other people get in the way of their rights and opinions.

3. They do not express their feelings.

They rarely express their feelings or point of view without someone asking.

4. They don’t make eye contact

These people also often don’t make eye contact when they talk to someone. Their body language sends a message of inferiority. 

5. Remain in a continuous state of anxiety or depression

People who use passive communication also seem to be in a constant state of worry because they think they have no control over their lives. They are often sad or sick because they never get to say what they believe.

6. They are indecisive

When they have to make a decision, they often don’t know what to do, so they usually leave it up to someone else. This results in self-disappointment. 

7: Don’t show anger toward others.

Passive people hardly ever express anger toward others. Instead, they frequently tolerate grumbling, discomfort, and hostility from others.

8: They are passive-aggressive.

These events can sometimes compound and cause an outburst of rage out of proportion to the original incident (passive-aggressive style). But after this outburst, they frequently experience guilt, shame, and confusion. They then revert to their usual passivity.

9. They experience resentment and confusion.

This way of communicating has a high impact on the lives of these individuals. They often feel symptoms like anxiety and depression from not expressing themselves. Additionally, they tend to experience resentment and confusion by ignoring their needs.

10. Lack of maturity

They lack maturity compared to others their age because they never face up to real problems. Passive communicators often act as if they are weak and unable to care for themselves.

Examples of situations in which a person communicates passively

• A man orders a “well done” fillet in a restaurant, but the waiter delivers an undercooked one. When the waiter asks if everything is to his liking, the man says yes.
• It is up to a group of friends to decide what they will do over the weekend. One of them knows he doesn’t want to go to the movies, but he can’t refuse when someone suggests it. As a result, he ends up spending time and money on something he doesn’t want to do rather than coming up with a solution that would please everyone.
• In high school, classmates ask the same girl daily to do their assignments. Instead of refusing them, she makes an effort every day to complete their work in addition to hers.

The Dangers of Passive  Behavior

Passive communication often causes the person to keep all his opinions to himself and prevents him from letting go and expressing his emotions. This type of person, in this way, accumulates all the problems that entail the lack of expression of feelings.

This is dangerous, as it can lead to a burst of rage, after which they return to their normal state of passivity. These outbursts often carry feelings of guilt and shame. In addition, the lack of externalization of emotions and feelings can cause serious mental and physical problems.

Causes of Passive Communication

A passive communication style is usually the result of low self-esteem. Self-esteem is how someone looks at themselves. People who exhibit passive behaviors often think it is not worth expressing their feelings.

Usually, they don’t think they are worth anyone else’s attention or care. They do not usually react or let their emotions out. This causes internal emotional conflicts that make your self-esteem even lower, thus creating a vicious circle.

Passive communication is often the result of repressed emotions from a very early age in an environment where submitting to others is valued.

Some parents reward children’s passivity, either on purpose or unconsciously. This positive reinforcement of submissive behaviors slowly leads to very low self-esteem for the child. 

When deeply ingrained, accepting everything others say and trying to please others results in passive communication. That’s when the person always keeps his opinions to himself to appease others.

Society’s Viewpoint on Passive Behavior

People who communicate passively are not good at working in groups. It is common for other group members to exercise control over them and express feelings of superiority.

The person will then feel annoyed and guilty because their views are being pushed down. People often try to get what they want at their expense because they will always be there, no matter how badly they treat them. 

People think passive individuals at work aren’t proactive and don’t take on their responsibilities.

Advantages of Passive Behavior

Passive communication is a dysfunctional type of communication, but it can have some benefits. As these people give in to the desires of others, they often avoid conflicts. They also have fewer responsibilities by allowing others to make decisions. 

Also, those around them often feel the need to protect them. Therefore, they have a sense of control over them. Finally, these people feel comfort and safety by maintaining and sustaining a family behavioral pattern.

 Disadvantages of Passive Behavior.

However, the disadvantages outnumber the advantages. Although people tend to be protective of passive communicators, they also tend to lose respect for them. 

People around passive communicators may tend to protect them, but they tend to lose all respect for them.

As we’ve said before, it’s not healthy to keep your thoughts and feelings inside. Repressing negative emotions can lead to many health problems, like migraines, asthma attacks, skin diseases, ulcers, arthritis, chronic fatigue, and high blood pressure. These people also have other mental issues, like high anxiety, depression, and a fear of being around other people.

 Passive Communication Style Characteristics

To summarize and finish, here’s a list of the main traits of passive communicators:

• They are not sure of their rights.
• They believe that the rights of others are above theirs.
• Give others what they want quickly.
• Other people often take advantage of them.
• They are afraid to communicate honestly.
• They fail to express their feelings, needs, and opinions successfully.
• They do not usually maintain eye contact and typically show a stooped or shrunken body posture.
• They often feel confused because they ignore their feelings.
• They feel anxiety because their lives seem to be out of their control.
• They often avoid direct communication with others with whom there may be a possible confrontation.
• They remain silent when something bothers them.
• Their voice is usually monotonous.
• They apologize a lot in advance.

How to Help Passive People

People who behave passively tend to have low self-esteem and little self-confidence. 

By convincing them to be more assertive, you can help make these people feel that their contributions are valued. This will help improve their self-esteem and confidence. 

Remind them it is possible to value someone’s contributions without necessarily agreeing with them.

Also read: Alternative and Increasing Communication Systems (SAAC).

Aside from being assertive with these people, we should encourage them to be decisive. 

To encourage these people to be assertive, you can suggest basic interpersonal listening skills, reflection, clarification, and questions. 

Some of these techniques are as follows:

• You can nudge them toward contributing by asking them questions, expressing interest in their opinions, and inviting them to participate in group discussions. Asking questions is essential to effective communication because it makes you feel like the other person is interested in your opinion. By doing this, you demonstrate empathy for the other person and respect for what they say, making you feel better about yourself.

• Listen carefully to what the person has to say before continuing the conversation. If necessary, use techniques to clarify your opinion before responding. Listening is not the same as hearing; it requires attention to verbal and non-verbal messages to fully understand what the other person wants to express. For the person who speaks to us to know that we are actively listening, it is desirable to maintain eye contact and proper body posture. Through these forms of non-verbal language, although subtle, you show interest in what the person has to say and encourages them to express themselves.

• These steps will encourage the person who communicates passively to be more open when expressing their feelings, wishes, and ideas aloud. Remember to take only some of the responsibility in discussions or group work when making joint decisions. Try to get contributions from all members when deciding.