Last Updated on March 17, 2023 by Mike Robinson
Working to improve self-esteem in adolescence is to communicate properly, establish standards, give responsibility, teach decision-making, support, listen, not judge, do not humiliate, give reinforcements, support talents, and other forms that I will explain below.
Do you have a teenager at home? If the answer is yes, surely you have wondered how you could work on self-esteem from home as a complement to the activities and dynamics that take place in school.
The adolescent needs to feel integrated and valued by other classmates and other people close to their environment and peer group, so they need to have a good sense of self-worth and a good sense of self-concept for their proper development of personality.
As you know, adolescence is a stage that is characterized by both physical and mental changes suffered by young people. On the other hand, it is also the moment when social skills and relationships begin to take on more importance than ever.
How to work on self-esteem in adolescence
1. Communicate daily with them.
Communication is essential if you want to develop your child’s self-esteem in the right way. As parents, we have to learn to listen to what our children have to say without passing judgment and to support them as much as we can until they leave us to earn their trust.
We have to bear in mind that adolescents, for the most part, tend to “despise” their parents at this stage because they mostly feel judged and misunderstood by them.
2. Establish boundaries and norms
It is not only necessary to establish norms and limits when they are small; in adolescence, it will also be something very important for our son. If your life is not governed by guidelines that are maintained over time, the consequences can be very negative, both for your life in general and for your self-esteem in particular.
Sometimes it is normal for our son to be upset and want to talk to us to express himself and negotiate about the rules and limits that have been imposed on him. Our duty as parents is to give you the opportunity to speak with us and to give them consideration, taking both points of view into account.
This will show you that whenever you need it, you can use the word “change” to describe what you do not like. On the other hand, you will feel fulfilled because you will have achieved what you wanted (if possible), thus increasing your self-esteem.
If you want to know more about the rules and limits at home, click on the link.
3: Encourage them to do activities
Perform exercise causes increase our self – esteem and therefore we feel better about ourselves. All adolescents should carry out this type of activity in their daily lives, since, on the other hand, it makes them feel useful and helps them discharge energy.
One way to develop self-esteem in adolescence is to encourage them to take up a sport. It would be advisable to practice a sport that they like and with which you can also compete. This will help you set goals and fight for them, as well as relate to others. On the other hand, it will also help us work on their self-esteem in the event that they lose or even win when they compete.
4: Teach them to make decisions.
On many occasions, because they are teenagers, young people are not given the opportunity to be responsible for their lives and to make decisions that may affect them. Parents often protect their children from having to do these kinds of things, when in reality we should leave them alone and monitor what they do.
If we choose to have this attitude, we will be giving them the opportunity to feel competent, which will help them develop good self-esteem as they will feel able to make the necessary decisions and, in case they have doubts, they can ask us.
5: Give them responsibility and new challenges
Having the necessary confidence in your child to know that he is going to do things well will benefit his self-esteem. Therefore, as parents, we must give them the opportunity to perform different tasks both at home and outside of it.
On the other hand, we can also give you ideas about other activities that can be done but have not yet been tried; this will stimulate them and encourage them to excel and create new goals.
6: Be supportive
The feeling that the family will always be there for everything they need also helps develop their self-esteem. We all like to feel supported and loved, and at this critical stage, it is important to know that it is accepted as it is because, as we know, it will be criticized and judged by its colleagues and will seek to be accepted by a group.
If we have done the first consultations well, we will not have any difficulty doing this task properly because we will have gained their trust with flying colors. We should not confuse this with becoming friends with our son; on the contrary, we will support them while always being their parents too.
7: Teach them to laugh at the problems.
One of the most frequent mistakes we make as parents when trying to improve self-esteem in adolescence that we often undermine our efforts. We must set examples of how to accept failure or how to act before problems arise in life.
Therefore, we must teach them to remain calm and to accept failure in a constructive way. We also have to give them the tools so that they know how to act before the possible problems that can happen to them, based on the fact that there is always a solution.
This can be complicated because, in many situations, it is almost impossible to remain calm or to think that there is going to be a concrete solution that resolves it. However, if we do it in adolescence, we can influence their self-concept, and with this, we will be working on their self-esteem.
8—Reserve one day a week for bonding with them
Although most of our children do not like it, it is important for their well-being that they continue to spend time with us and, therefore, carry out activities in our company.
A fun way to do this is to set aside one day a week as a special family day on which the same teenager will choose the activity he wants to do with us. Some examples are: pizza day; eating out; going to the movies;
9: Listen to everything I want to tell you.
If nothing else begins to speak, we are judging him; we will never gain his trust, and we will not be able to support him as he should. Many times, all they need is to feel that they are listening to him and that they understand him. Therefore, our obligation is to practice active listening.
To be attentive to your problems and to find the best solution between the two, trying to get your child to take the initiative will help you to integrate how you should solve the problems you have calmly and will benefit your emotional state.
10: Do not judge to hastily.
Nor can we judge them hastily without having heard their version before; this will make them not believe in themselves and will damage their self-esteem. If he has decided to act like this, we have to wait to listen to his reasoning in an active way and take the necessary measures if he has not acted well in a constructive way.
Faced with these situations, parents should set an example because, as we already know, our children imitate our behaviors.
11: Have empathy
Putting ourselves in the place of our son with empathy when we are communicating with him will be very important and necessary for him. In addition, we also have to understand their behaviors and attitudes, as well as any changes they may have undergone due to the stage they are in.
12: Trust him.
On the other hand, it will be very important for his self-esteem that he understand that we trust him and that we have positive expectations for both his behavior and his possibilities.
This will increase their confidence in themselves and consequently give them a good sense of self-worth to face everything that is proposed.
13: Treat your concerns for what they are.
Something we usually do a lot with our children at this stage is to treat their problems without any importance. This is necessary to avoid because if we do it, we will understand that we do not care what happens to them, and they will feel alone and without support.
We have to give him the attention he deserves, giving him a positive version to alleviate his anxiety and, as we said earlier, help him solve problems.
14: Communicate with him in a positive way.
Although it seems to us that we are communicating properly with our son, it is important that we use a clear and open language in which tolerance and flexibility predominate, avoiding transmitting mistrust or recriminating behavior.
On the other hand, we have to stop labeling the behavior of our son, especially if this is not the right one, because it can have an impact on his self-esteem.
15: Do not humiliate him.
We should not punish him severely in case he has some inappropriate behavior. As parents, we must know how to give the appropriate punishments for those behaviors that are not what is expected or appropriate.
Likewise, in the case of inappropriate conduct, which is necessary to punish, we must try by all means other than people outside the family and, whenever possible, better alone. Otherwise, we could humiliate our son without knowing it and seriously affect his self-esteem.
16: Use positive reinforcers.
Although we do not realize it, we always make it clear to our children, in most cases, which behaviors we do not like, but we also forget to point out those who have done well.
In adolescence, as in the rest of the stages of development, it is important that we make it clear to our children what they have done well. This will only bring you positive benefits in all aspects.
17: Give you tools to face the changes.
It is very important that we are able to transmit to our son how he should act when he is in a stressful situation or when things are difficult for him, and that is why we also have to practice by example.
If, when we are going through these problems, we see that we get nervous and tense and that we do not know how to act, he will also acquire that response, and when he grows, it will affect his self-esteem, and he will not know how to deal with that kind of situation.
The idea is to talk with them and show them that changes are good in life and that you have to see them as a source of learning, that is, look at them constructively.
Therefore, a good option would be to provide advice that can generalize to all changes that occur in your life so that little by little they are internalized and, when they happen, be with them, advising and supporting them until their solution.
18: Criticize it in a constructive way.
If in this stage of change we offer criticism in a constructive way, we will be helping you to accept it and not be offended in later situations since not only will you receive it in your adolescence but also in the adult stage and in everything you do.
We can teach them that criticism is not at all bad; on the contrary, it helps us improve as people. If we get our son to internalize it, we can benefit his self-esteem.
19: Promote your talents.
On many occasions, we forget to give them so many responsibilities or even so much freedom that our son is happy and feels good doing a specific activity, be it drawing, dancing, or playing football.
If doing it feels competent and he is also good at it, our duty as parents is to support him and encourage his talent. This can be a great thing for your self-esteem and your proper development.
Conclusions
Although we are concerned to follow this small list with the general advice to work and create good self-esteem in our adolescent children, it is important that we take into account that the best example to follow is ourselves.
Also read: 17 Duties of Children with Parents
Therefore, we have to analyze ourselves first to see if we are really in the position and if we are able to develop and work on the self-esteem of our son in an appropriate way.
