Controlling anger do you notice that you get angry easily and often have a hard time managing and managing your anger?
If it happens to you it is possible that your main problem is that you do not possess the necessary skills for controlling anger , so that you can see overcome in several occasions.
What is anger?
Anger, also known as anger, anger or anger is a human emotion that is based on a reaction of irritation that is usually produced by the following stimuli:
- They’re hurting us.
- Our needs are not satisfied.
- We are trampling on our rights.
- Someone is invading us.
- Something does not go as we wish.
- We are giving too much of ourselves.
As you well know, this emotion usually carries a set of behavioral responses that can be harmful to one and can cause us problems, such as anger, insult, or even physical violence.
However, this does not mean that anger is a damaging emotion.
In fact, anger is a basic and totally normal emotion that plays a vital role in us: upholding our rights when we interpret something or someone is violating them.
So you cannot pretend to live without anger, you cannot try never to get angry or want to be permanently in a state of serenity.
Why do we have to learn to control anger?
For one very simple reason: anyone who does not have the ability to control their anger will be constantly exposed to interpersonal problems with the people around them.
In addition, uncontrolled anger causes a series of long-term emotional and physical effects on the sufferer: it increases blood pressure and heart rate, and can lead to feelings of failure , depression, and restlessness.
The appearance of anger is often unpredictable so you must have the resources to be able to control it at any time.
10 anger management techniques
- Take responsibility
The first step you must take to learn to control your anger is to take responsibility for it.
That is to say: you must be aware that those who perform poor management of their emotions and carry out inappropriate behavior are you.
You must understand that anger is a personal emotion, therefore the feeling of anger you produce before certain stimuli, not produced directly by the stimuli.
For example: you are at work and your partner tells you that you are useless and that everything is wrong.
In this situation, it is frequent to think that the anger you feel has produced your partner with that comment.
However, that is not so, the feeling of anger you create yourself when you interpret that comment, the words of your partner are only the cause.
So, to be aware that the only one capable of creating and controlling your anger is you, reflect on the following points:
- I am responsible for my emotional states, my sorrows and my joys.
- I am aware of the typical situations that make me angry.
- I am aware of who are the victims of my rages.
- I am responsible for my actions, this angry or not.
- Pack it in time.
When you are presented with stimuli that cause you anger, it is very likely that the anger will appear and take possession of you.
For this not to happen the first objective we must achieve is to stop the emotion of anger in time.
To do this, an exercise that can be helpful is to take a few seconds to control the anger.
So, when you notice that anger begins to appear, count to 10 before speaking or taking any action.
During those seconds, stand still, counting calmly the 10 numbers and taking a deep breath.
In this way, you will reduce the annoyance as soon as it appears, so that you will reduce the force of your anger and control it more easily.
- Analyze your emotions correctly
People who get angry quickly are often frustrated too easily and do not properly analyze their feelings.
So, ask yourself the following question:
Does the fact that frustration just produces you really really matter so that you become angry and out of control with your anger reaction?
Surely the answer is no, since if it were that yes you would not have a bad management of your anger and you would be angry only in those situations that you have to do it.
However, to get those situations that are not really important do not get you angry you must work the interpretation you make of them.
To do this, you simply have to start not looking so much at the faults of others, since we are all human and you yourself are also wrong, and look more at the right things.
Do the following exercises daily:
Look at positive attitudes, emotions and behaviors of the people around you and write them down on paper.
When you detect something negative in someone do not criticize immediately, write down the action and then think about if that act really deserved criticism and anger.
When you make a critique you analyze later if it really was objective, specific and constructive. If it is not, it means you should not have been angry.
Do not criticize when you’re angry, do it another time when you’re calmer.
- Restructure your thoughts
Put another way: change the way you think.
When you are angry, your thoughts tend to be extreme, too exaggerated and dramatic, because at that moment the emotional part of your brain takes on more importance than the rational part.
For example, when you’re angry a thought you may have might be: “It’s horrible, it’s terrible, it’s unacceptable.”
The moment these thoughts come to you, try to change them to less radical ones: “It’s frustrating and I’m obviously annoyed by it, but it’s not the end of the world, either.”
If you do this exercise every time you get angry you will be able to change your extremist thoughts by other thoughts of equal content but more adapted to the reality.
This way, when you get angry you’ll be equally angry, but your going will not be uncontrolled to infinite levels and you will be able to control it.
Always keep in mind that anger is not going to fix anything, so the thought you produce should not be extreme, because if it is anger will possess.
The fact that things happen that we do not like is part of life, so when they happen you must interpret them as something normal that you should know how to manage.
- Get Out
Many times hostility and anger appear when we do not express our feelings and keep them inside ourselves.
Expressing feelings is not bad, human beings have feelings daily and we must express them for our correct functioning.
So, if you feel like crying do it. And is that according to Dr. Sinatra, tears are the best remedy to detoxify the body of hostility and excess anger.
Likewise, when you have feelings of anger and anger you must also express it.
However, as expressing these feelings indiscriminately is often detrimental both to oneself and others, a technique that many experts recommend is to express themselves on paper.
When you feel angry or angry, pick up a sheet and write down what you think and what you feel, and when you finish throw it to the trash.
In this way the anger will not accumulate inside you and you could have expressed your emotions without it being a problem for you.
- Learn to relax
An effective technique for you to be less predisposed to anger is to practice relaxation.
If you generally acquire a more relaxed state than usual, your response to the stimuli will be less aggressive and anger will not appear so easily.
So, I recommend that you do relaxation exercises in a habitual way to gradually move away from nervousness and hostility.
For example, a relaxation exercise you can do is the following:
- Breathe deeply with the diaphragm, noticing how the air enters and leaves your belly.
- In each slow inspiration you do, repeat a word or phrase that conveys tranquility like “relax” or “calm”.
- At the same time, imagine a landscape that transmits calm and serenity
- If you want, you can play back some relaxation song with low volume.
Perform this exercise for about 10-15 minutes.
- Learn to express it
Another vital aspect of controlling your anger is learning to express your feelings in a proper way.
As we have said, we should not pretend to eliminate or evade the feelings of anger, these will appear and it is good that they do.
In addition, like any emotion, it is convenient that we express it in order not to leave it within ourselves.
So, the quit of the question is how we express this emotion.
We can do it in a disproportionate and inadequate way or we can do it in a calm way that allows to reduce our feeling of anger and that does not carry us problems.
Obviously the way to learn to perform is the second, so you have to get used to express your anger in a different way that does not involve hostility.
To communicate in an assertive way and channel your will do the following:
- Use a low tone of voice and a slow verbal fluency to become aware of the words you say.
- Talk about how you feel at the time and why, instead of saying what you think about the other person or the fact that caused you anger.
- Ask the other person to do the same and become aware of how she feels.
- Take a relaxed body attitude respecting the other person.
- Improve your self-control
Inappropriate expression of anger usually implies a lack of self-control. In fact, if you have self-control you will rarely have lost the papers because of your anger.
To improve your self-control in situations of anger you must:
- Directing your attention to useful and agreeable signs, never made small negative details that could distort your perception.
- Recognize that you are angry and aware that you should reduce it for your own good.
- Think about the negative consequences of losing control.
- Ask yourself what the real reason you’re angry.
- Express your emotions assertively.
- Increase your problem-solving ability
Anything that can cause us anger requires a way to handle it.
Continuing with the example of before, the situation in which a coworker, who said that you are useless and that everything you do wrong, must be managed in some way.
If we let the situation happen, you become angry and express your anger by screaming and insulting him, the situation will not disappear, so you can say something similar at any other time and your will can reappear.
However, if you are able to manage that situation by telling your partner that your comments annoy you and you can redefine your relationship and the comments you make to each other, you will have ended with a stimulus that caused you anger.
So, once you have managed to control your anger, the next goal is to solve those problems that can make your anger appear, so the stimulus disappears and your anger will not arise.
- Reduce your stress
If you live a very stressful life the anger or the will appear more easily.
So organize your activities, your obligations, your time and your moments to distract and disconnect.
This way you can carry out a more calm and organized life that allows you to remain calm in those moments where you used to be angry.