There are many disobedient kids who have their parents desperate because they are never obeyed. Apart from that there may be certain behavior problems; we must not forget that this is part of their growth, the construction of their identity and the search for their autonomy.
To do this, they test the norms and expectations of adults in order to know where the limits are and to what extent they are frank able.
Sometimes, however, these conflicts are not limited to specific moments but become a pattern of behavior that generates a climate of discomfort in the family coexistence and, therefore, require a greater attention and response on the part of the parents.
10 Keys to Dealing with Disobedient Children
1-Build your behavior in positive
If your child does good behavior, let him know by responding positively to the behavior you are trying to encourage.
A positive response can be a smile, a caress or praise, but always specifying what positive behavior you have done: “well done for leaving your dish in the sink!” works better than “well done!”.
Instead of repeatedly saying “enough” or “do not do that” look for its opposite in positive. For example “do not leave the toys on the ground” can become “keep the toys in the box”. If you comply with your request do not forget to congratulate him.
It’s important to see how happy you get when you do things right.
2-Create a game
When both are calm, explain that you are going to play a game and that first practice with a first request “go to sleep please”. If you obey and go to bed congratulate him and give him a point for having done it at first.
If you do not obey the first one you can say: “I see that you are not ready to go to sleep yet, you cannot win a point, but we will try again later.” If then obey, congratulate him effusively but without giving him any point. You must get used to doing what you ask the first one.
Show her the rewards she can earn by doing what she asks for immediately and without complaining. Rewards can be anything and do not always cost money. Maybe get an extra story at bedtime or go to the park tomorrow.
3-Learn to ignore disobedient behavior
Children are constantly looking for the attention of their parents. This claim of attention is obtained many times through their negative behavior and if they see that they get it they already have the weapon that they needed.
When your child makes a tantrum or tantrum to get your attention, ignore that behavior as if it had nothing to do with you.
At first the tantrums and temper tantrums will be greater but when you see that with that behavior does not get the expected results will stop doing so immediately.
4-Sit regularly to talk with your child
When things are calm and a good time, take time to talk to your child, get interested in their things, and explain that for you, your role as a parent is very important.
Tell him that it is important for you to give him a good education, to grow up with values and principles of responsibility, productivity and generosity with others that bring him well-being and happiness.
Remind her of important family rules, rules, and values.
5-Your reaction is important
When you evidence some unpleasant behavior of your child do not lose the papers. Instead take a few seconds to calm down and explain that you did not like his behavior and that later you will take up the matter.
This way you not only give yourself time to relax but also to him to learn to do the same thing: to calm down and reflect on his attitude knowing that it carries consequences.
Stay calm and your child will calm down more quickly.
This is the form of punishment par excellence. If your child loses control by giving way to exaggerated behavior, simply physically remove it from the place; the supermarket, the shop or the park, and return home.
Do it keeping calm and serenity at all times by demonstrating that you control the situation.
For this to work, it is important that you keep the decision to the end. Do not be persuaded to return to the place, the decision is made.
If you find yourself in a situation where you cannot make time off or simply stay at home, assign disobedient behavior to a punishment that really annoys you.
A useful punishment for it may be to take away something you want. For example, remove the console until you finish your homework or pick up your room.
Also Read: What is Emperor Syndrome? (Child Tyrant)
It is important that the consequences are clear, immediate and consistent. Once warned of punishment, it must be fulfilled to the end.
8-Make sure there is respect within the family.
Children are excellent imitators. If in the environment in which they coexist they see reactions of disrespect among the different members, they take this behavior as valid in the relation with the others.
If so, try to reestablish the norms in the family coexistence feeding mutual respect; your child will also change the way you relate.
9-Do not forget the key nº 1
Do not forget to build your behavior in positive. This is the most important key of all.
It is the one that builds a positive relationship, of valuation and mutual respect.
10-When to seek professional help
If you have already applied all of these guidelines persistently and your child is still showing a defiant pattern of behavior, we will have to look more closely at what is happening.
It may be that the continuously disobedient behavior is due to a bad relationship between parents, family conflicts in the home, bullying in school, etc.
In any case it should be treated by a professional as soon as possible.