Last Updated on February 7, 2023 by Mike Robinson

Family conflicts are very common and have unique traits like highly emotional interactions between those involved. On the other hand, most family relationships are able to withstand the effects of these disagreements. Sometimes the mending takes longer than others. This article will explain the different types of family conflicts and provide useful methods on how to best resolve them.

Conflict occurs when there is a perception or expression of disagreement between two or more parties. They can regularly surface in various aspects of our daily lives, and if they are handled correctly, they can become positive and usher in improvements and unique forms of communication.

Additionally, they cause a great deal of discomfort because individuals feel remorse for the damage the other person may experience in addition to their own pain.

In 1973, Death makes a classification of the conflicts according to the qualities of the same ones:

• True conflicts are situations between individuals or groups that exist objectively. All parties involved understand and agree that the conflict is real.

• Contingent conflict occurs in a situation with an easy solution. Unfortunately, the parties involved do not see that it can actually be easily solved. This type of conflict is very common in disputes among minors.

• Displaced conflict: the opposing parties express their discomfort over an event or situation that is not really the reason for the discomfort. There is an underlying issue that is responsible for the conflict, but the individual creates a conflict about something unrelated to their real issue. This type of conflict is often seen in relationships.

• Poorly attributed conflict: These conflicts do not involve the parties, but a third person or thing is responsible for this situation.

• Latent conflict: one that should occur openly but does not. The conflict is perceived but not manifested, which prevents it from being solved.

• False conflicts are those that occur without any factual evidence. They are the result of misunderstandings or false information between the parties involved.

Types of family conflict

There are various types of conflict in families depending on the family members’ relationships and their different personalities and beliefs.

1. Conflicts with couples

Couples will inevitably encounter conflicts or crisis situations because every person behaves, believes, and feels differently. Fortunately, if handled well, these conflicts will aid in the personal development of both individuals. It can also help strengthen their relationship.

Most of these types of family conflicts start with daily misunderstandings. Some of the things that cause these misunderstandings are:

Causes for conflicts between couples

• Poor communication: We frequently express ourselves in ways that may not be the most appropriate, especially when we are angry. Afterward, we typically apologize to the other person. We also blame the other person by using general phrases like “always do the same” or “you never listen to me.” We claim that the other person always acts in a way that annoys us, even though this is typically untrue. Additionally, we frequently engage in inappropriate communication in this kind of conflict. Rather than resolving the issue, it exacerbates it and damages the relationship. In this aggressive approach, insults, threats, or a lack of respect are common.

• When one or both members lose freedom because of the relationship.

• Attempting to alter one another’s behavior, thoughts, or preferences: Couples where one partner insists on forcing the other to behave or think in a way that they think, is appropriate frequently result in family conflict. It’s important for couples to respect each other’s individual preferences.

2: Conflicts between parents and children

Depending on the crucial phases, this type of conflict can be subdivided into more focused ones.

• Conflicts in childhood: This stage is primarily distinguished by the person’s progression toward individuality. It is about gaining independence and how you learn from what your parents or other influential people in your life do. Conflict typically arises during this process of a child becoming self-reliant because the parents are unsure of how to support this independence. Sometimes the child has inappropriate demands, or the child is moving in a direction that the parents do not agree with.

• Conflicts in adolescence: Between the ages of 12 and 18, this stage is distinguished by the person’s rapid changes and by emotional instability. They also establish the fundamental moral standards and behavior patterns that will guide them in life. Additionally, teenagers’ goals frequently conflict with those of their parents. At this stage, relationships frequently experience more conflicts and problems, and generational differences become more apparent.

• Conflicts with adult children: This type of conflict usually arises from the different ways of deciding, organizing, or living between two people who are already adults and impose their rights to think and act in the way that each considers more appropriate.

3: Conflicts between siblings

Sibling arguments are frequent and completely normal. They typically only last a short while, and they eventually find a solution on their own without the help of their parents. This is significant because it provides a valuable lesson in resolving interpersonal conflicts in adulthood without the involvement of a third party.

4: Conflicts with the Elderly

A person entering the “elderly” stage of life goes through a series of significant changes. These changes can be the cause of disputes in the family setting. Even though a person may be physically healthy, they start to slowly deteriorate in other areas as their body ages. For example, they move more slowly; they lose their vision or hearing; they develop memory loss and lose strength.

At the personal level, events such as retirement, the birth of grandchildren, and losing loved ones like a spouse or siblings can impact the individual’s psyche.

All these events can have a devastating impact if the person does not face them with the right attitude. Ultimately, these life changes can be the root cause of family conflicts that arise with the elderly.

7 tips for solving family conflicts

Understanding conflict as a chance to develop and develop new communication strategies is crucial.

It is best to be able to handle family issues on our own without needing outside assistance. This will teach individuals how to handle issues in other contexts and keep the relationship from deteriorating.

Some of the strategies that we can put in place to solve the problems are:

Also read: What is aggressiveness?

1: Active listening

Child development expert Gill Connell writes in A Moving Child Is a Learning Child that active listening increases empathy by conveying that you care about what is being said. How to engage in active listening:

• Ask open-ended questions.
• Reflect the emotions of others (show understanding for how they feel)
• Clarify any unclear points.
• Reap what you heard.

2: Be mindful of how you speak and present yourself.

As we learned in the section on couples’ conflicts, we often do not properly communicate our discomfort when we are upset. We should try expressing how we feel or what hurts us about the circumstance instead of leveling criticism at the other party.

It involves communicating our desires without hurting the other person. It will assist in solving the issue and prevent the relationship from worsening. It’s important to offer alternatives or solutions to the issue rather than just expressing what is bothering us.

3. Permit all parties involved to participate in the conversation.

It’s equally crucial that we communicate our discomfort just as the other person does. Family discussions frequently leave everyone mentally drained.

With this, we prioritize what we mean instead of listening to what others want to convey, but both are necessary.

4: Show affection

Even when we disagree with family members, we must tell them they are still people we love and value. It often happens that showing affection lowers the tension that family conflict causes.

5. Seek out partnerships.

While resolving family conflict, it is common to think about who may win or lose. But the proper course of action is to identify common ground and work to find a solution. Then consider actions that take into account the interests of all the members. This provides an opportunity to satisfy everyone involved.

6: Always look for positives to focus on.

When faced with family disagreements, we frequently focus only on the negative aspects of the situation. This includes the negative things the other person did or said or even coming to conclusions about what the other person was thinking. This puts us in a negative feedback loop that only worsens our feelings and hinders the agreement.

We can take advantage of the positive aspects of the conflict and see it as an opportunity to talk, to know the other’s point of view, and to get to know them better. This is more important than concentrating on the negative aspects. It is not a question of denying the conflict but rather of utilizing it to move forward and using the circumstances to strengthen relationships.

7: Choose the appropriate time and circumstance to bring up the issue.

It is frequently a good idea to postpone a conversation. This does not imply avoiding it or putting it out of our minds. Rather, it means looking for a time when the conflict won’t be as intense and when emotions and feelings will be under control.

We will be able to listen to each other more intently and express ourselves more effectively as a result. It might also be useful to look for a setting where the two people can converse comfortably.

Resources for resolving disputes

Different resources can be used to manage a conflict when it escalates and the parties involved require outside intervention to resolve it:

• Family counseling: The objective is to support families in collaborating and resolving their differences. Additionally, they will learn techniques and abilities for problem-solving.
• Conciliation: The method by which the parties present their claims in front of a third party who neither proposes nor decides to reach an agreement.
• Mediation: It is a legal institution that acts as an unbiased mediator to help the parties communicate and reach a mutually agreeable resolution.
• Arbitration: This is a process created to settle legal disputes between parties. It entails the appointment of a third party whose judgment is enforced due to the parties’ agreement.
• Court hearings: This is a procedure created to respond to legal disputes through a binding decision made by government agencies.