How to Get a Divorce for infidelity or bad coexistence if you act the right way and you have patience, although it is a painful process.
Today, we can see how the new generations are changing the society in which we live.
How to Get a Divorce and Be Happy
Divorce and separation processes much more frequent than some decades ago. According to the Spanish National Statistics Institute , in 1994 there were 79,161 cases of separation, divorce and nullities, while the number in 2014 amounted to 105,893.
After going through a divorce process, it is completely normal for you to feel lost, since your future plans have suddenly been altered .
Breakups are never easy to deal with, especially after having lived together for years with your previous partner and shared so many moments together.
When there are children in common, the divorce becomes even more complicated. In fact, many couples postpone the decision to divorce in order not to harm their children. Once the decision is made , both you and your ex partner will have to face great changes in your life.
Finding a new home, dealing with new economic expenses, dealing with conflicts over custody of children … All this often causes great stress, since it is usually accompanied by an emotional roller coaster. It may even be that you do not find the support you need from your family and friends.
Therefore, in this period of your life, you should lend special attention to yourself / a, because otherwise you can develop mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety disorders .
10 Tips For Overcoming A Divorce And Getting Back To Being Happy
1-Rely on friends and family
It is very important that you talk about your concerns and share your pain with those who offer your support, whether friends or family.
This will help you overcome the feeling of emptiness that comes after a sentimental separation.
It is also important that you put aside the modesty or embarrassment of communicating in your closest environment your new marital status.
It is no use hiding it for fear of criticism, since sooner or later, you will have to face it.
However, as we mentioned earlier, some people may openly blame you for what happened.
In the early stages, it is especially important that you avoid having contact with these people, since you are more vulnerable to criticism and will have a very negative effect on your well-being .
Over time, all the people around you will get used to your new situation, even older and traditional people who do not conceive of a divorce process. Otherwise you can meet new people .
- Look for new friendships
Surely your circle of friends has been reduced, since during your married period you used to go out with other couples.
From now on, it will be difficult to keep up with some people-especially when it comes to common friends your ex-partner and you had.
Therefore, you must begin to consider getting to know other people, to be close friends with people you already know or to start moving around in different circles.
For adults it is much harder to make new friends than for children or teenagers, since we do not move in environments as enriching as them.
However, there are currently many methods that allow you to meet new people, such as:
- Start a new leisure activity. If you attend a new gym, language classes or painting, you will have the opportunity to interact with people who share your same interests, while filling your free time with something you like.
- Use the internet . In these times, most people have overcome the fear that caused people to meet online. Use this resource that
- you have at your fingertips if you have difficulties meeting new people.
- Hang out with friends of friends . It is much easier to integrate into a group when a member is already known. Also, you will not feel uncomfortable if there is someone you already know.
These are just a few examples of the methods you can take to meet new people, although there are many more.
- Take time to get to know yourself
The previous section referred to the need to meet other people so you can get to enjoy your free time and share hobbies.
At no time is it to seek a replacement for your previous partner immediately.
In fact, it is advisable to wait a prudent time before starting a new relationship.
If it is too late, because you have met someone else, try not to go too fast in the new relationship – take your time before taking big steps, such as going to live together or get married.
This is because after so much time sharing your life with another person, your personality may be diffuse – you are not clear what you used to do because you liked or pleased the other person.
So it’s time to get to know yourself, before meeting a new sentimental couple.
To carry out this process of self-knowledge, you can start to differentiate between those leisure activities you did because you were interested and those that you did for your partner.
The ultimate goal is to be aware of the hobbies that truly fill you, so you can continue to do them.
Another activity you can do is write in a journal, so that you can put your feelings in order.
To do this, spend about 30 minutes a day writing everything you can think of about your relationship as husband and wife, the problems you used to have, the fundamental reasons for divorce, etc.
Do not censor your thoughts, since it is a diary that will only be read by you. Add frequently phrases that make you see how valuable you are, such as “I’m strong, this will not break me down,” or “I’m more attractive now than ever.”
This will increase your self-esteem – often damaged after a divorce process – and you can use these motivational phrases when you need it most .
- Avoid looking for guilty
A relationship is a thing of two, so you can not completely blame a single person.
Many people spend much of their time analyzing who was at fault or who acted incorrectly.
However, this will not help you, nor will it calm your pain right now.
Even when the relationship ended in infidelity , your marriage was probably not at its best.
Therefore, it is best that you focus on rebuilding your life, putting your feelings in order, instead of looking back, thinking about how you could have avoided divorce.
- Read some self-help book
Reading a self-help book can make you recover more quickly after a divorce, especially when you do not know who to turn to or feel misunderstood, this resource will be very useful.
Here are some self-help books dealing with divorce and sentimental separations:
- And now that? Keys to overcome a break . Juan Bustamante López (2005).
- How to survive a breakup . Vicente Garrido (2013).
- An elegant divorce or how to fall in love with style . Purification Pujol (2012).
- Divorce: How to get ahead. A practical guide to rebuilding your life during and after separation. Alicia García (2015).
- Be friendly to your ex in front of other people
After a divorce process, many people harbor a deep grudge or hatred towards their former partner.
However, despite these negative feelings, you should try to be friendly to your family and yours, as well as to friends you had in common.
With respect to your children, if you have them, it will also be important that you show kindness to them.
Children are especially vulnerable when they have experienced separation or divorce from their parents, and this situation may interfere with their personal or academic lives .
Therefore, if you want to help them to adapt to the new situation in the best possible way, try to be respectful to your former partner.
At all times you must try to keep the forms and not let yourself be led by your differences.
This will also help you make the best decisions about your children, together.
- Make sure your children do not suffer any further changes.
As far as possible, you should prevent your children from living new changes in their lives that could destabilize them even more.
Try not to change your residence, or schools or extracurricular activities.
As with adults, children need to rely on their close friends, so it is not appropriate for them to make new friends.
With respect to the information that you must transmit to them, it must never be false – as to say that it is only a temporary separation.
It is also very important that you let them know at all times that they have not been guilty of this situation.
Often, the younger ones attribute the responsibility for the divorce of the parents, thinking that they have been the cause of the fights between their parents.
Another great change that should be postponed, as far as possible, is to communicate to the children that the parents already have new sentimental partners.
It is advisable to wait for a reasonable time, after which you can schedule sporadic encounters with the new couples before sharing a house with him or her.
- Get professional help if you need it
If after a few months or years from your divorce and despite the efforts made, you cannot turn the page, you should consider consulting a specialist to help you analyze the causes and propose new ways to solve it.
A psychological intervention can bring you many benefits and can prevent your problems from staying or getting worse.
What are the causes of increased divorce?
The causes of such a sudden increase in the number of divorces and separations are many, including:
- Infidelity on the part of one of the members of the couple – and discovery of infidelity thanks to the new technologies.
- Conflicts with the political family. Having a bad relationship with the relatives of the couple is a cause of confrontations that, if they occur frequently, negatively influence the relationship.
- Unsatisfactory sexual relations. Although this factor can be considered as the cause and consequence of the deterioration in the couple, the fact is that it leads many couples to make the decision to divorce.
- Try to change the other person. When two people get married, often one of them expects the other to change some aspects of their way of being. The frustration that results from failure to do so can lead to a break in the relationship.
- Addictions. Gambling, drug addiction or addiction to alcohol can also be a fundamental reason for a couple to decide to divorce or separate – due to the ongoing conflicts and lies that it entails.