I will list up to 17 tips to learn how to be a good mother , with them I will try to help you strengthen and improve our role as such with our children. We will also talk about the different educational styles with which we can educate our children and their advantages and consequences for their development.
How to be a good mother is something that we usually ask ourselves from very young, and more if we have had siblings and we have seen how our mother took care of us. In fact, it is something very common and that from small we have seen other people do, but nobody has told us exactly what guidelines to follow or what is the best way to do it.
Tips for Being a Good Mother
1- Generate guidelines in the home that create an adequate environment
It is important that this section is followed by both parents in order to give the child the best possible environment. That is, a stable, predictable and safe environment for their growth and development (Pérez, S / F).
An example could be that the child learns that all his acts have positive and negative consequences.
2- Have rules and keep them in time
Like the previous section, both parents must form a team and create a home that is governed by rules. Although it may not seem like it, they bring very positive benefits to your development and help you feel safe and supported in your learning.
Failure to grow up with norms and that these are not maintained over time and are not coherent, can negatively affect the child triggering even criminal behavior.
3- Communicate frequently with the child
It is very important for your child to communicate with him daily and openly. This will allow you to earn their trust and know their tastes and what they do. On the other hand, it will also let you know your concerns and your fears.
4- Be a good example for your son
The family is the first socializing agent of the child, so we are the example to follow in all aspects of your life since birth. Therefore, it is recommended that we do things as they really have to be done.
In this way, we will inculcate the child what is right and wrong, as well as what can be done and what can not be done and its possible consequences (Pérez, S / F).
5- Stimulates your autonomy
It is not good for the child to act in a dependent manner throughout his development and growth. For this reason, as mothers, we have to be responsible little by little for our son to acquire autonomy.
A good example can be that you help at home to do some household chores. Since they are small they are able to have their toys ordered.
6- Listen to your son
It is not only good that we communicate with our son, but also that we listen to what he has to say about something or his feelings.
Our duty as mothers is to make you feel supported at all times and help you as much as possible. If we do not, we can negatively affect your self-esteem.
7- Do not argue with your partner in front of you
In order for the child to grow up happy, we have to make our home a place not only stable, but lacking in conflicts on the part of the parents. Therefore, you have to try to avoid arguing with your partner in front of you and look for the moments in which if there are differences of ideas, you can speak calmly.
8- Do activities with him
Share activities with your child even if you do not like them. In the end you will understand that they will become the most fun and appetizing in the world because you are doing it with them.
Thanks to this action, you will be able to meet him and spend a pleasant time together. On the other hand, it is highly recommended to strengthen the affective bonds between mother and child and encourage their learning.
9- Make a normal life
It is important that from the first moment we make normal life even if we think that it is not right or that we are not capable. The sooner we start doing it, the sooner we will get used to having a person who depends on us in all aspects.
10- Enjoy this experience
Being a mother is the best gift life can give us, so we have to take advantage of our role in the best possible way with our partner. Unless we want to be mothers for the second time, those moments will not be repeated again.
11- Do not be overwhelmed
It is normal that at first it costs a bit to get used to the fact of having someone under your responsibility and also to be able to combine it with your daily life. The secret is not to be overwhelmed and to share your responsibilities with your partner. Together you can do it and also without effort.
12- Let it be wrong
We can not be overprotective with our son since it will not be good for his development. We have to let him make mistakes and learn by himself, so that when he needs us we are there to support him.
13- Communicate positively with him
As mothers, it is important that we not only support our son, but also that we communicate positively, paying special attention to everything he does or does well on a day-to-day basis.
In the same way, we also have to help him in that which is not so good with patience and calmness.
14- Share the responsibilities with your partner
If you share day-to-day responsibilities with your partner, everything will be easier for family members, including for your child. This will only have positive effects for everyone since the home environment will be more relaxed.
Several years ago, this was unthinkable because the role of parenting was directed solely and exclusively to mothers. However, it has been proven that currently pursuing this path is unworkable and only brings negative consequences for our son.
15- Tell your son that you love him
It is important that we tell our child that we want it, it is not enough just to demonstrate it with our actions and day to day. Listening that someone loves us makes us feel better and increases our self-esteem.
16- Worry about the example you give him
As we have said on other occasions, our son will imitate us and follow our example in everything we do and, when he grows up, he will use those tools to cope with his environment.
Therefore, it is important that we analyze if we are truly giving our son the correct example or the one we want to give him.
17- Have time for you
Rest is also part of being a mother, if we do not do it, we can not be the mother our child needs. So leave a small period of time every week and spend it to rest is a good option to de-stress and start the day with energy.
What educational style is best for my child?
We can behave in different ways or styles with our children. These styles are not a characteristic of the father or the mother, but a type of relationship with the child conditioned by the child’s way of being and the different situations in which we find ourselves.
- Democratic style This style is the most recommended because it is characterized by the affection that parents give the child supported by high levels of communication. On the other hand, norms and limits are usually explained and justified in a reasonable way and adapted to the child’s age (Fernández, 2009).
- Authoritarian style. Authoritarian parents are characterized by not being affectionate and by not communicating very frequently with their children. They usually impose norms and limits without having the opinion of the minor and they control severely the behavior of their children.
- Permissive style . Although parents who use this system are very affectionate with their children and maintain high levels of communication with them, they do not set standards nor control their behavior on a regular basis.
- Indifferent style. These parents are characterized by being not very affectionate and maintaining low levels of communication with their children. In addition, they do not usually set limits and do not control the behavior of their children (Fernández, 2009).
Sure to present the different educational styles you have come to mind the different families who use one or the other.
The most advisable for the benefits that it offers to your son is the democratic style, since the parents are warm and affectionate and in addition they impose coherent and clear norms. They also supervise and guide their behavior on a day-to-day basis and foster their autonomy, thus stimulating their development.
What negative consequences do they have for its development?
On many occasions we are not aware of the educational style we are using with our child and, therefore, we are not aware of the possible consequences that may result.
Next, we expose some negative consequences of using one or another style in order to analyze you to try to avoid this type of behavior and as far as possible use a democratic style:
- Problems of being an authoritarian mother . If we are demanding with our child and we also impose rules and limits without using the dialogue and explanations necessary to understand them, we can cause problems for our child. This excessive control can cause our son to present emotional problems or even react in a rebellious way to what we ask him (Fernández, 2009).
- Problems of being a permissive mother. Although it meets the first two requirements of the democratic style, the rules and regulations are important for the proper development of our child. In this case, they are not taken into account for what may affect your child and run the risk of developing problematic behaviors.
- Problems of being an indifferent mother. This style is the worst of all for the multitude of negative consequences that can bring your child. If the child’s behavior is not monitored or shown affection, you may think it does not mean anything to you. This can cause problems of self-esteem as well as little interest in school and risky behaviors (Fernández, 2009).
In this article, since we are talking about the role of mother, we have explained the educational styles focusing on this role. However, these styles are also used by the father figure, so it is very important that parents agree on the type of educational style they want to use in order to give quality development and welfare to the child.
Although being a mother is not an easy task, we have to think about the welfare of our son to give him a development of quality and well-being. At first, the idea of whether we will be a good mother or whether the guidelines we are following can be overwhelming.
We have to be calm and trust our criteria and rely on the people around us and our partner. On the other hand, the guidelines that have to be followed are the most normal and common ones that all families usually respect, including your own.
Here we have exposed some tips that can help you and facilitate in this new role, although as you may have noticed are not the only ones that exist. I think the best advice of all is that you enjoy this experience and let yourself be guided by your instincts.